arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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