A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
