So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
