so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
