Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
