I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
