Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
