I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
