I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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