fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
