I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
