On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
