dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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