I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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