so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
