every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
