i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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