Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
