So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
