I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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