I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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