I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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