I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
