I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
