I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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