do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
