I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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