Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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