that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
