Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
