Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
