I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
