She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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