Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
