I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
