This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
