i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
