She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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