Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
