everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
