My girlfriend figured out who you are.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
