I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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