I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
