i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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