Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
