Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
