it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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