how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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