I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Holy shit dude........stairs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
