Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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