he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
