God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
