I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
