dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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